A man wants to marry a girl. Her oldest brother who still lives at home (or it could be her parents) puts the matter up to her. Then she says no or yes, and if yes, she puts the matter back into his/their hands*. (She does, however, have a duty to submit to them, and a girl who eloped in defiance of her brother's will would be disowned. She can also be 'punished' by her husband for refusing to marry him at first.) (Male) relatives have a stake too. When a marriage is accepted and the suitor sends the gifts, they're summoned to choose from the horses and other gifts. Each takes according to his ability and willingness to return a gift. The girl is led to the suitor (with her marriage gifts) by a non-related female.

The choice of an intermediary during marriage proposal. She does convincing and public pressure. Authority of person can be important here as well as competence. For instance, a girl refuses some intermediaries, and then some young women who are children of chiefs are sent as the next intermediaries. The father (there was no older brother in the house) says he'll speak to her to learn her will. 'I don't want to force her to do this thing.' She replies 'Father, I leave it up to you. Whatever you say.' Someone notes that they're the children of chiefs and aren't supposed to be refused. 'What they say, you should do.' The father said, 'I'll say "Yes" to you two.'

(The Cheyenne Way p.170)

    

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* Iceland, where refusal led to feud, this procedure was used to take the onus of concerted refusal of the fighting members of the family