how i become a pessimist, nihilist, and antinatalist (and how I'm coping) (youtube.com)
She was happy as a child when she could fill her days with ‘getting lost in her own little world of arts and crafts, storybooks and dolls all day, with no knowledge of what harms exist in the world, what harm other humans do to each other and what you can do to others.’ Lol, you could've just got married.
She was devoted to protestantism.
When she came of age, her idea was to explore the world and have as many experiences as possible. Maximize at this. And support her family. As she knew more and more about the world and how the system worked, she lost optimism and trust in the system, and ‘the more I knew about how things actually worked, my worldview, my personality, my hopes and my dreams have done a 180.’ You can kinda see how if she'd been sheltered as a wife, she might be optimistic and hopeful and happy, and her husband could return each day to such a person.
She's also from a poorer country (economically) so got an education and moved to a richer country and spent a lot of time much more alone than before.
‘And how others’ suffering and death and exploitation is what provides most of our comfort in the first world and our success.'
She also talks about how the 99% allow the 1% to exploit them. Significant focus on rich and not rich. Also that ‘the people who are ruthless and selfish are those who are going to be happiest,’ which is a trope of course. She also referenced that NPC's give advice to focus on yourself and enjoy, and ‘life is what you make it,’ but she says ‘I don’t know if you wanna live in a world like that but I don't.' Are people just waiting for a revolution to join?
She also says she fakes NPCness all the time because she fears being isolated if she didn't. She says none of her faf or her boss would understand her.
She regularly watches other existentialist YouTubers.
Part of her strategy includes ‘stopping trying to overcome anything, stopped trying to heal anything, Stopped trying to frame the negative things as positives. I don't believe in that BS anymore. ... I need to lie to myself... I can't save the world, nor can I be saved by it.'